36 Questions to Fall in Love
The psychology study, played properly.
- Players
- 2 players
- Length
- 45–90 min
- Cost
- Free · no signup
- Long distance
- Works long distance
Ready?
The psychology study, played properly.
- Players
- 2 players
- Length
- 45–90 min
- Intensity
- Sweet
Free · No signup · Nothing you answer is saved
How do you play 36 Questions to Fall in Love?
The 36 Questions to Fall in Love come from a 1997 study by psychologist Arthur Aron, in which pairs answered 36 escalating questions and then held eye contact for four minutes. The questions run in three sets of increasing intimacy and must be done in order, because each answer makes the next question easier to answer honestly.
How to play
- Set aside a real block of time. This takes at least 45 minutes and often longer.
- Both of you answer every question before moving to the next.
- Go in order. The escalation across the three sets is the entire mechanism.
- Do not skip ahead to set three because it looks more interesting. It will not work.
- Finish with the four minutes of eye contact. Set a timer and do not talk.
Why couples love this game
It is the most tested list of questions in existence, and the structure is doing something specific: escalating reciprocal self-disclosure. Each answer makes the next question slightly easier to answer honestly. Couples who have been together for years often report that the last set produces things they had never said, which is remarkable for a list designed for strangers.
In 1997, the psychologist Arthur Aron published a study in which pairs of strangers answered 36 escalating questions and then held eye contact for four minutes. Some of them reported unusual closeness. Two of them got married. The list has been circulating ever since.
This is that list, adapted for couples rather than strangers, and organised the way the study intended: three sets that escalate, in order, with no skipping ahead.
The escalation is the mechanism. Set one is almost small talk. By set three you are describing how you would feel if your partner died, which works only because sets one and two happened first.
Example questions
- Set I — Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
- Set I — Would you like to be famous? In what way?
- Set I — Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
- Set I — What would constitute a perfect day for you?
- Set I — When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
- Set I — If you could live to 90 and keep either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years, which would you want?
The full game has 37 of these, shuffled every time you play.
Who this game is best for
- A long evening with nothing else planned
- Couples at any stage — it was designed for strangers and works better on people who know each other
- Long-distance couples on a proper video call
- Anyone who wants the most reliable deep-conversation format there is
Tips to make it better
- Do not do this tired. It is 45 to 90 minutes of real attention.
- Answer fully. One-line answers break the escalation the study depends on.
- The four minutes of eye contact feels absurd for about forty seconds and then does not. Do it.
- It works over video, but you both need decent connections for the eye contact section.
Frequently asked questions
Do the 36 questions actually work?
The study found that escalating, reciprocal self-disclosure produced measurably greater closeness between strangers than small talk did. That mechanism is well established. Whether it makes anyone fall in love is a much bigger claim than the research supports.
How long do the 36 questions take?
Between 45 and 90 minutes, depending on how fully you answer. The original study allocated about an hour, plus the four-minute eye contact at the end.
Can couples who are already together do this?
Yes, and it often lands harder than it does on strangers. The final set asks things long-term couples have somehow never covered.
Is the four minutes of eye contact necessary?
It was part of the original protocol and it is the part people remember. It is uncomfortable for roughly the first minute. Set a timer and do not talk through it.