Conflict Resolution Questions
Work out how you argue, while you are not arguing.
- Players
- 2 players
- Length
- 30–50 min
- Cost
- Free · no signup
- Long distance
- Works long distance
Ready?
Work out how you argue, while you are not arguing.
- Players
- 2 players
- Length
- 30–50 min
- Intensity
- Sweet
Free · No signup · Nothing you answer is saved
How do you play Conflict Resolution Questions?
Conflict resolution questions map how a couple argues while they are calm — what each does when angry, whether they need space or resolution, what escalates and de-escalates them, and what is permanently off limits. The output is two or three agreed rules, including a pause signal, written down and revisited.
How to play
- Do this when nothing is wrong. That is the whole design.
- Both answer every question.
- Describe your own behaviour honestly, including the bad parts.
- Agree two or three actual rules at the end. Write them down.
- Revisit them in six months.
Why couples love this game
Most fights escalate for procedural reasons rather than substantive ones — one person follows when the other needed space, or pushes for resolution when the other needed to sleep. Agreeing that procedure in advance, in daylight, removes a large fraction of the damage without resolving a single actual disagreement.
Every couple has a fight pattern and almost none of them have ever described it. One person escalates, the other withdraws; one wants it resolved tonight, the other needs a day; one raises their voice, the other goes very quiet and very precise.
This deck maps that while nothing is happening. It asks how you each behave, what you each need, and what the rules should be — and the answers are far more honest on a calm Sunday than they will ever be at eleven at night.
It is the preventative version. Questions After a Fight is the one for the aftermath.
Example questions
- What do you do when you are angry? Describe it from the outside.
- What do I do that makes it worse?
- What do I do that helps?
- Do you need to resolve it that night, or do you need time?
- What does "I need space" mean to you, exactly — an hour, a day?
- How were arguments handled in your house growing up?
The full game has 20 of these, shuffled every time you play.
Who this game is best for
- Couples who argue badly rather than often
- Anyone whose fights escalate faster than they should
- Before moving in or marrying
- After a rough patch, once it has passed
Tips to make it better
- Not during or immediately after a fight. It becomes a weapon.
- Be honest about your own behaviour. Describing only theirs is a wasted evening.
- Agree a pause signal. It is the single most useful output here.
- Two or three rules maximum. A charter of twelve will not survive.
Frequently asked questions
How can couples argue better?
Agree the procedure in advance. Most escalation is procedural rather than substantive — one person follows when the other needed space, or pushes for resolution when the other needed to sleep on it.
When should we do this?
When nothing is wrong. Doing it during or straight after a fight turns every question into an accusation, and the answers become tactical.
How is this different from Questions After a Fight?
That deck is for the repair conversation afterwards. This one is preventative and is about the pattern rather than any particular argument.