Questions After a Fight
For the bit afterwards, when neither of you knows how to start.
- Players
- 2 players
- Length
- 20–40 min
- Cost
- Free · no signup
- Long distance
- Works long distance
Ready?
For the bit afterwards, when neither of you knows how to start.
- Players
- 2 players
- Length
- 20–40 min
- Intensity
- Sweet
Free · No signup · Nothing you answer is saved
How do you play Questions After a Fight?
Questions after a fight work through repair in a deliberate order: how each partner feels now, what they actually needed, what was underneath the argument, and what either would do differently. The sequence never asks who was right, because establishing that is not repair — and if it is still the goal, it is too early.
How to play
- Only start when you both actually want to. Forcing this makes it a second argument.
- Go in order. The sequence is doing the work.
- One person answers fully before the other responds. No interrupting.
- Nobody is establishing who was right. If that is still the goal, stop.
- Finish the deck. It ends somewhere better than it starts, on purpose.
Why couples love this game
Repair is a skill, and most couples were never taught it — so the default is waiting until it fades, which leaves the actual disagreement intact to resurface in three weeks. A structure gives you something to do with the awkward hour that is not pretending it did not happen.
The argument is usually not the problem. The problem is the two hours afterwards, when it is over but not resolved, you are both still braced, and neither of you knows how to say the first sentence.
This deck is that first sentence. The order matters: it opens with how you each feel now, moves to what actually happened underneath, and finishes with what either of you would do differently — without ever asking who was right.
It is deliberately not about winning. If you are still trying to win, it is too early to use this.
Example questions
- How are you feeling right now, in one honest sentence?
- Are you ready to talk, or do you need more time? Either is fine.
- What did you need in that moment that you did not get?
- What do you think I was actually upset about?
- What were you actually upset about?
- What is the thing underneath it that we did not say?
The full game has 20 of these, shuffled every time you play.
Who this game is best for
- An hour or two after an argument
- Couples who go quiet rather than resolve
- Recurring arguments that never actually finish
- Long-distance couples, where an unresolved fight has nowhere to go
Tips to make it better
- Wait until you are both calm enough to mean it. Twenty minutes is usually not long enough.
- The "has this happened before in a different costume" card is the important one.
- Agree one rule at the end and actually keep it. One is enough.
- If the same fight keeps recurring, the pattern needs more than a deck.
Frequently asked questions
How do you fix things after an argument?
Start with how you each feel rather than what happened. Couples who open with the facts restart the argument; couples who open with the feeling usually find the thing underneath it within a few minutes.
How long should we wait before doing this?
Long enough that neither of you is still trying to win. That is usually more than twenty minutes and less than a day — leaving it overnight tends to let it calcify.
What if the same fight keeps happening?
Then the specific argument is not the issue and a deck will not resolve it. This can help you name the pattern, but a recurring fight usually needs more than a conversation.