Appreciation Questions
Say the thing you have been thinking for two years.
- Players
- 2 players
- Length
- 15–35 min
- Cost
- Free · no signup
- Long distance
- Works long distance
Ready?
Say the thing you have been thinking for two years.
- Players
- 2 players
- Length
- 15–35 min
- Intensity
- Sweet
Free · No signup · Nothing you answer is saved
How do you play Appreciation Questions?
Appreciation questions for couples ask narrowly rather than generally — "What did I do this week that made your life easier?" instead of "what do you appreciate about me?" The receiver must say thank you without deflecting or immediately reciprocating, which is what lets a specific compliment actually land.
How to play
- Take turns. Both of you answer every card.
- Be specific — name the actual thing, not the category.
- The person receiving it says thank you and nothing else. No deflecting.
- Do not reciprocate immediately to balance it out. Let it land.
- Six to eight is a session.
Why couples love this game
The no-deflecting rule is what makes it work. Almost everybody responds to a specific compliment by minimising it, and minimising it means the other person stops giving them. Sitting through one without deflecting is uncomfortable for about four seconds and then genuinely changes something.
Most appreciation in a long relationship is silent. You notice things constantly and say almost none of them, partly because there is never an obvious moment and partly because saying it out loud feels oddly formal.
These prompts create the moment. They are deliberately narrow — not "what do you appreciate about me" but "what did I do this week that made your life easier" — because specificity is the entire difference between a compliment that lands and one that evaporates.
Half of these have an answer that has been true for years and has never been said.
Example questions
- What did I do this week that made your life easier?
- What do I do that you have never thanked me for?
- What is something I am good at that I do not think I am good at?
- What would be harder in your life without me?
- What is a small thing I do that you would miss immediately?
- When did I last make you feel properly looked after?
The full game has 22 of these, shuffled every time you play.
Who this game is best for
- Long-term couples who have gone quiet on this
- After a hard month
- Anniversaries and birthdays
- Long-distance calls
Tips to make it better
- Specific, always. "You are thoughtful" is nothing; "you texted my mum on her birthday without me asking" is everything.
- No deflecting. Say thank you and stop talking.
- Do not immediately return the compliment. Let it sit.
- Do this quarterly. It is the cheapest maintenance there is.
Frequently asked questions
How do you make your partner feel appreciated?
Name the specific thing. "You are thoughtful" is a category and evaporates; "you texted my mum on her birthday without me asking" is a fact and stays.
Why is deflecting a problem?
Because minimising a compliment trains the other person to stop giving them. Saying thank you and stopping is awkward for a few seconds and worth doing anyway.
How often should we do this?
Quarterly is plenty. It is maintenance rather than an event, and doing it too often makes it routine.