Questions to Ask Before Having Kids
The conversation that is much easier before than during.
- Players
- 2 players
- Length
- 35–60 min
- Cost
- Free · no signup
- Long distance
- Works long distance
Ready?
The conversation that is much easier before than during.
- Players
- 2 players
- Length
- 35–60 min
- Intensity
- Sweet
Free · No signup · Nothing you answer is saved
How do you play Questions to Ask Before Having Kids?
Questions to ask before having kids cover timing, who does nights, whose career gives, childcare and cost, how you would parent differently from your own parents, and what you would do if it proved difficult. Answer concretely rather than generally — "we would share it" is not an answer.
How to play
- Choose a calm evening well before any decision is due.
- Both answer every question in full.
- Be concrete. "We would share it" is not an answer — say who does Tuesday night.
- Note every gap. Do not try to close them tonight.
- Split it across two evenings if it gets heavy. It will.
Why couples love this game
Almost every couple assumes the other person is imagining the same arrangement, and almost none of them are. Finding that out over a bottle of wine two years early is a completely different experience from finding it out at four in the morning with a newborn.
Most couples agree on whether they want children and stop there, which is roughly like agreeing to move house without discussing the country. The disagreements are all in the detail.
These questions cover the detail: who does nights, whose career gives, how you would parent differently from how you were parented, what happens if it is harder than expected, and what you would do if it does not happen at all.
None of it is a decision. It is finding out, while there is time, whether you are imagining the same thing.
Example questions
- Do you want children? Say it plainly, not diplomatically.
- How many, and how far apart?
- When — and what has to be true first?
- What would you do if it turned out to be difficult or impossible?
- How do you feel about adoption or fertility treatment?
- Who does the nights in the first year?
The full game has 22 of these, shuffled every time you play.
Who this game is best for
- Couples starting to think about it seriously
- Anyone whose partner assumes it is settled
- Engaged couples
- Couples where one of you is unsure
Tips to make it better
- Concrete answers only. The vague version of this conversation is the one everybody has and it changes nothing.
- The invisible-work question is the one that predicts the most future resentment. Do it properly.
- A gap is not a crisis. Not knowing about the gap is.
- If one of you does not want children, that is a real answer and deserves its own conversation, not a card.
Frequently asked questions
What should couples discuss before having children?
The division of labour above all. Most couples agree on wanting children and never discuss who does nights, who takes the career hit, or who carries the invisible administrative work — and that is where the resentment forms.
What if one of us is unsure?
That is a real position and deserves a proper conversation rather than a question card. Use this deck to find out what specifically the hesitation is about.
Is this too heavy for one evening?
Usually, yes. Split it in two — the practical half and the emotional half — and leave a week between them.