Apology Language Quiz
Why "I said sorry" keeps not being enough.
- Players
- 2 players
- Length
- 15–35 min
- Cost
- Free · no signup
- Long distance
- Works long distance
Ready?
Why "I said sorry" keeps not being enough.
- Players
- 2 players
- Length
- 15–35 min
- Intensity
- Sweet
Free · No signup · Nothing you answer is saved
How do you play Apology Language Quiz?
An apology language quiz identifies what each partner actually needs from an apology — the words themselves, evidence of understanding, changed behaviour, time, or physical contact. Both score privately and compare. Most people apologise the way they would want to receive one, which is why sincere apologies often fail to land.
How to play
- Score each statement about yourself, one to ten, privately.
- Reveal at the end and compare.
- Look at your partner's top three. Those are what an apology to them has to contain.
- Notice where your top three differ from theirs. That is why apologies have been missing.
- Write both sets down somewhere you will find them.
Why couples love this game
It explains a specific recurring failure. Almost everyone apologises in the way they would want to receive one, so two people with different needs can both be sincere and both feel unheard — for years — without either doing anything wrong.
A very common argument is the one where somebody has genuinely apologised and it has genuinely not worked. That is almost never insincerity — it is that the apology given was not the kind the other person needed.
Some people need the words. Some need the behaviour to change. Some need to hear that you understood the effect, and some just need time before anything at all lands.
You each rate what actually helps you, privately, then compare. Most couples find they need different things and have been giving each other their own version for years.
Example things you rate
- I need to hear the actual words "I am sorry"
- I need to know they understood what it did to me
- I need them to say specifically what they got wrong
- I need to see the behaviour change before I believe it
- I need time before I can accept anything
- I need them to ask what would make it right
The full game has 14 of these, shuffled every time you play.
Who this game is best for
- Couples where apologies keep not landing
- Anyone told their apologies do not feel sincere
- After a rough patch, once it has passed
- Alongside counselling
Tips to make it better
- Score honestly. The "I need time" item is the one people underrate most.
- Read your partner's top three back to them out loud. It makes it stick.
- Do not do this during or immediately after an argument.
- Keep both lists. This is one of the few results worth having written down.
Frequently asked questions
Why do my apologies never seem to work?
Usually because you are giving the kind you would want. If your partner needs to hear that you understood the effect and you are giving them a plan to fix it, both of you can be sincere and neither feels heard.
What are the apology languages?
Popular models list expressing regret, accepting responsibility, making restitution, repenting, and requesting forgiveness. This quiz skips the labels and asks about the specific behaviours instead.
When should we do this?
Not during or straight after an argument. Doing it calmly means the answers are about what you need in general rather than about the current grievance.