Questions to Ask Your Wife
Ask her something she has not been asked in years.
- Players
- 2 players
- Length
- 25–45 min
- Cost
- Free · no signup
- Long distance
- Works long distance
Ready?
Ask her something she has not been asked in years.
- Players
- 2 players
- Length
- 25–45 min
- Intensity
- Sweet
Free · No signup · Nothing you answer is saved
How do you play Questions to Ask Your Wife?
Good questions to ask your wife go beyond logistics to what usually goes unnamed — "What do you carry that I do not see?" or "What is something you set aside that you have never mentioned?" Both partners answer each question, waiting after each answer rather than responding straight away.
How to play
- Choose an evening with no deadline on the other side of it.
- Both of you answer every question.
- Do not respond immediately. Let the answer finish, then wait.
- One follow-up per question, then move on.
- Eight to twelve is a full evening.
Why couples love this game
The questions about what she set aside are the ones that do the work. In most long marriages there is a real answer there, it is not a grievance, and it has never come up — because nothing in an ordinary week is shaped like an invitation to say it.
Somewhere in a long marriage the questions narrow to logistics. Not because anyone stopped being interested, but because there is always something that needs deciding, and the interesting question loses to the practical one every single time.
This deck is the interesting one. It asks about what she carries that does not get named, what she set aside without announcing it, and who she is when she is not being anything to anyone.
Several of these she will have an answer to immediately, which usually means she has been waiting a while to be asked.
Example questions
- What do you carry that I do not see?
- What is something you set aside that you have never mentioned?
- Who are you when you are not being anything to anyone?
- What did you think our life would look like by now?
- What is the last thing that made you feel genuinely seen?
- What do you need more of from me at this stage?
The full game has 22 of these, shuffled every time you play.
Who this game is best for
- Anniversaries and milestone birthdays
- Couples deep in the logistics years
- After the children are older
- Long-distance stretches
Tips to make it better
- Do not defend anything. Some of these answers are about cost, and cost is not an accusation.
- Answer them yourself. It is a conversation, not an audit.
- Follow the surprising answer and abandon the deck. That is a success.
- Do it annually.
Frequently asked questions
What should I ask my wife to actually connect?
Something that acknowledges cost or invisibility. "What do you carry that I do not see?" almost always has an answer, and it is almost never one she has been asked for.
What if the answers are hard to hear?
Do not defend. Several of these ask about what a shared life cost her, and describing a cost is not the same as making an accusation. Listening to it fully is the entire value.
How is this different from the married couples deck?
This one is addressed to her, and leans toward what has gone unacknowledged. Married Couples Questions is symmetrical and covers the relationship as a unit.