Rebuilding Trust Questions
Slow, specific, and honest about what it costs.
- Players
- 2 players
- Length
- 30–60 min
- Cost
- Free · no signup
- Long distance
- Works long distance
Ready?
Slow, specific, and honest about what it costs.
- Players
- 2 players
- Length
- 30–60 min
- Intensity
- Sweet
Free · No signup · Nothing you answer is saved
How do you play Rebuilding Trust Questions?
Rebuilding trust questions are for the months after a breach rather than the disclosure itself. They ask where each partner actually is today, what reassurance would look like in practice, what triggers doubt, and what the rebuilding is costing each of them. Six questions is a long session; return monthly rather than finishing it.
How to play
- Only use this once the breach itself has been fully discussed. This is not that conversation.
- Go in order and go slowly. Six questions is a long session.
- One person answers completely before the other speaks.
- No defending. If a defence is needed, the earlier conversation is not finished.
- Return to it monthly rather than trying to finish it.
Why couples love this game
Most couples in this position have no vocabulary for the middle stretch. There is a lot written about the disclosure and almost nothing about month seven — so people fall silent, assume the other has moved on or has not, and get it wrong. Naming where you each actually are is most of the work.
After trust breaks, the apology is the easy bit and usually happens in the first week. The hard part is the twelve months afterwards, where one person is trying to prove something and the other is trying to decide whether to believe it, and neither has a script.
These questions are for that stretch. They are slower and more specific than any other deck here, and they assume the breach has already been named — this is not the conversation where it comes out.
It is honest about cost. Several questions ask what rebuilding is actually costing each of you, because pretending it is free is how couples end up back here.
Example questions
- Where are you actually, today? Not where you think you should be.
- What does trust look like to you, specifically, if it were rebuilt?
- What is the hardest part of this for you right now?
- What do you need to know that you have not asked?
- What are you afraid to ask because of the answer?
- What has helped in the last month?
The full game has 20 of these, shuffled every time you play.
Who this game is best for
- Couples several weeks or months past a breach
- Anyone working alongside a counsellor
- Long-distance couples rebuilding, where reassurance is harder
- Couples who have gone quiet about it
Tips to make it better
- This is not a substitute for professional help, and it works well beside it.
- Six questions maximum. Finishing the deck in a night would be a warning sign, not an achievement.
- The cost questions are the ones people skip. They are the ones that matter.
- Either of you can stop at any point without it meaning anything.
Frequently asked questions
How long does it take to rebuild trust?
Longer than either person expects, and it is rarely linear. What helps most is both people being accurate about where they actually are rather than where they think they should be by now.
Is this a replacement for counselling?
No. It is a structured conversation and it works well alongside professional help. A breach of trust is one of the situations where outside help genuinely changes the odds.
When is it too early to use this?
If the breach itself has not been fully discussed, or if either of you would need to defend rather than answer. This deck assumes that conversation already happened.